REASSOCIATING

The Girl Returns…

after the Great Manic Episode of 2020.

“Great” because it was Great Fun

(I shouldn’t say that).

Great because it had great impact. During this manic episode I understood I wanted to be a creator. I was too manic to execute that in a way that made sense. I bought $2000 worth of random art supplies from Michaels Craft Store and scattered it around the 3rd floor.

I was unfocused and unable to communicate efficiently. I was caught up in the performance of it all, and less in the creating. I was not in control.

It wasn’t until I got to the psych ward, where I was left with the bare minimum,

that I began putting pen to paper (literally).

I created layers upon layers of

frenzied business plans

and drawings.

I sketch from my minds eye & from observing the ward.

When I got out of the psych ward in 2021, I didn’t create artwork at all. I had no interest, it made me sad, and quite frankly, it freaked me out. The Association.

I revisit the Scene of The Crime: the 3rd floor of my Parent’s Victorian House.

I do what I did during my manic episode. Another performance. I paint on what is available. This time I choose wood pulp paper that I found in my mom’s craft room. Last time I chose my Tall Navy Blue Ugg Boots, 2 canvases, some sketch paper, the White Shag Carpet, the Walls and Doors.

I paint surrealist art. It comes to me in my minds eye.

I fear mania. I keep going.

I allow myself to learn. I want to continue and improve. I am finding a lot of joy in painting. I let fear get in the way of something I loved doing, regardless of how good I was at it.

So, I want to keep some sharpie details. But I think: a painting only uses paint.

So, I keep using paint to cover my sharpie sketch.

It is beautiful up close. Still, I wish I stayed at the halfsies. I am learning where to stay.