CHRONO

HUNT

THE PSYCH-WARD ARCHIVES

REMEMBERING MY HOMEWORK

*

REMEMBERING MY HOMEWORK *

I ALWAYS DOODLED IN THE MARGINS

IT WAS DIFFICULT NOT TO DRAW ON MY HOMEWORK.

I SOMETIMES DREW ON MY HOMEWORK.

NO BONUS POINTS? FREE ART?

THIS WAS THE ORIGIN.

WHY DID NO ONE NOTICE

I GOT SUCH GOOD GRADES

I TALKED IN CLASS

I DOODLED ON MY HOMEWORK

BY WAY OF THE ENVIRONMENT ONE MAY SAY SHE WAS INSANE

SHE WAS DEMANDING TO BE NOTICED.

YEAH.

But she knew what was good though.

That girl has taste and style.

She was practicing the execution.

WHAT I AM DOING HERE:

I AM DOCUMENTING MY ART. I WANTED TO COMMUNICATE. I AM COMMUNICATING. BUT WITH WHO?

I WANTED TO BE SEEN AND UNDERSTOOD WHEN I WASN’T.

SO I AM DOING THAT FOR MYSELF.

Do you understand mania? Have you experienced it?

People are scared of what they don’t know.

*THE ABOVE IMAGE IS NOT REAL.

I DIDN’T KNOW. I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND.

I SAW THIS AS A LESSON.

I GAVE MYSELF HOMEWORK.

AND NOW I AM TRYING TO TEACH YOU BY SHOWING YOU

&

TAKING YOU THROUGH.

IM THE TEACHER AND THE STUDENT. COOL COOL.

WARD VISIT. 2020-2021.

IF YOU’RE IN THIS DEEP, WE ARE ON THE SAME PAGE. OR AT LEAST IN THE SAME BOOK.

i AM SO GLAD YOU ARE TRYING TO UNDERSTAND, TOO.

I knew exactly what I was doing.

I will tell you exactly what I was doing.

I love sharing. I love getting a chance to show you my good intentions.

Scary Bipolar Girl.

I loved giving away my clothes and my art in the psych ward. I love sharing my secrets and my stories

I like to be helpful

I like to make friends and have community. I don’t want anyone to suffer as badly as I suffered.

I needed to know I was not alone. I did not feel that way at the time. i now know I was never alone in this experience. it is just a difficult topic to broach. it is hard to find the words. it is a visual and emotional experience. sometimes words cannot convey.

that is why I create.

I LIKE TO BE UNDERSTOOD

I LIKE WHEN PEOPLE TRUST ME

I AM A SMART ADULT

I LOVE TO LEARN

AND GUESS WHAT

I AM A GOOD PERSON

I KNOW THAT IS TRUE BECAUSE

I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A GOOD PERSON

ABOUT THE PROCESS

I MAKE MY PLANS

MY PRETTY LITTLE NOTES

I CREATED MY OWN LANGUAGE IN SYMBOLS WORDS AND COLORS.

THIS HAPPENED NATURALLY, BECAUSE NO ONE SEEMED TO UNDERSTAND ME.

I WAS IN PAIN WHEN I CREATED THIS, BECAUSE I WANTED TO SHARE AND TO FEEL UNDERSTOOD.

HONESTLY, NOW, I HAVE FUN WITH IT.

HONESTLY, I MEANT OBVIOUSLY.

OVER TIME, THE PAIN LESSENED.

I WAS ABLE TO CHANGE MYSELF AND MIMIC PEOPLE

TO BE UNDERSTOOD BY THEM.

THOUGH THEY DON’T SEEM TO MIMIC ME, TO BE UNDERSTOOD.

THAT DIDN’T SEEM KIND OR FAIR TO ME.

ANYWAYS,

MY NOTES ARE FUN TO READ. THATS WHY I ALWAYS DID WELL IN SCHOOL. I LIKE GAMEIFYING THINGS.

I was talking to someone. I am assuming future me, cos no one else understood me in that moment. I was all alone.

I LIKE BEAUTIFUL THINGS. I always have.

It’s easy on the eyes. Makes things nicer to look at. Something worth seeing.

I LOVE SHARING MY IDEAS.

THEY ARE NICE IDEAS.

I HAVE A LOT OF THEM.

I DON’T MIND IF THEY INSPIRE IDEAS IN OTHERS. INFACT I WOULD PREFER THAT. I HAVE ENDLESS IDEAS SO I DON’T MIND SHARING.

I DO WHAT SOME PEOPLE WOULD CALL

OVERTHINKING.

SO I AM UP TO THE BRIM WITH GOOD IDEAS.

AND I LIKE TO MAKE THEM PRETTY.

BEAUTY IS SUBJECTIVE

OF COURSE

THIS MIGHT LOOK DISTURBING

TO SOME PEOPLE.

I WAS, IN FACT, INSANE, WHEN I CREATED ALL OF THIS.

If you STILL like to call it that.

ONE MAY SAY SHE WAS ONTO SOMETHING

ONE MAY SAY IT WAS THE ORIGIN

ONE MAY SAY IT WAS JOURNALISM

BY THE LOOKS OF IT, I’D LIKE TO SAY IT WAS MANIFESTATIONS

SOMEONE MIGHT SAY ITS CRAZY

MAYBE THEY MEAN GOOD.

IT’S SUBJECTIVE. ITS ART

I SAY I MAKE BAD ART

I CANT DENY: IT IS GOOD.

ITS ABOUT

YOUR PERSPECTIVE.

IM JUST THE CREATOR.

AND IT SEEMS I WANTED TO GAMEIFY IT.

A SCAVENGER HUNT. WITH MYSELF. THROUGH TIME.

thats what i kept writing over and over and over. i was playing. i was very bored in there.

Yeah.

I GUESS I CAN PLAY THAT ALONE. I DON’T MIND ALONE TIME ANYMORE.

I USED TO FIGHT IT. I was clearly in pain.

I said that over and over and over.

I CONDUCT EXPERIMENTS & I DOCUMENT THEM WITH MY ART

YEAH THATS WHAT IM DOING BB

I KNOW WHAT IM DOING BB

I DECIDE WHAT I PREFER FOR MYSELF

I GAMEIFY THAT

I DRAW MY DISCOVERIES.

I AM ALWAYS HAVING FUN

FOR EXAMPLE: I DECIDED I WOULD STOP HAVING DISORDERED EATING. IT IS ANNOYING ME.

WHY WAS I THINKING NEGATIVELY ABOUT FOOD BEFORE BED

I LIKE MAKING CALCULATIONS.

I HAVE NEVER ENJOYED MATH.

IT IS CLEAR IN MY DRAWING. THAT GIRL LOOKS UGLY AND UNHAPPY!

ID RATHER FIND BALANCE. USE INTUITION.

MAYBE NEXT TIME I THINK ABOUT EATING AND DRAW MYSELF IT WILL LOOK A LOT MORE BEAUTIFUL. BECAUSE I PRACTICED IMPROVING MY MINDSET AND BEHAVIORS.

LIKE….I STARTED RUNNING AGAIN. GAVE MYSELF A REASON TO EAT. THAT WAS A CALCULATION.

NO COUNTING CALORIES OR SETTING TIME GOALS.

MY GOAL ISNT TO RUN EVERY DAY. MY GOAL IS TO HAVE WELLNESS AND BALANCE IN MY LIFE.

JUST A VIBE. I STOP WHEN I STOP. I GO WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT. YEAH.

THAT IS A FREEDOM YOU ARE NOT OFFERED IN A PSYCH WARD IN 2021. JUST SAYING.

I TOOK NOTES ON A YOUTUBE VIDEO THE OTHER DAY.

I HAD FUN WITH IT. BUT I WANTED TO LEARN AND I WANTED TO REMEMBER.

I MADE MY ART NOTES. IT INSPIRED NEW IDEAS IN ME. EVEN BETTER THAN MEMORIZING.

I FELT VERY PLEASED WITH MYSELF.

I WANTED TO SHARE THAT WITH YOU.

I ALREADY DID, BUT I WILL AGAIN.

IT’S ALL VERY INTENTIONAL.

OR INSANE. WHATEVER THEY’RE CALLING IT THESE DAYS.